Sweet Liesl

I've had so many thoughts running through my head today as I sat at work and tried not to let everything that reminded me of sweet Liesl make me cry. Because trust me, everything today reminded me of sweet Liesl. I have been thinking about the day that she was found unresponsive and taken to Primary Children's and placed in a room just down the hall from where I was working all day today. And I have been thinking of all the sweet tender mercies that happened that day, both to the immediate family and the rest of us that were there for that horrible day.

9 months ago today my mom woke me up and said "something's wrong with Liesl, I'm headed to the hospital". I am a nurse. We thrive on information and the lack of information at that point was killing me. Not long after they lifeflighted sweet Liesl to Primary Children's. I knew that there was no place I would rather her be, because the level of care they offer is incredible. I also knew that there was a strong chance that she would not make it out of that hospital. Knowing that I would go crazy at home, I drove Grandma Hilda to the hospital. I will tell you that being on the other side of a situation I see daily is awful. Being the family in the waiting room desperately hoping for any sign of good news was awful. After some other tender mercies the rest of the family arrived from out of town, and I took sweet Libbet home to my mom so that Jana could focus on Robyn and Matt. That girl was my saving grace on the drive home. We sang frozen at the top of our lungs and she made a royal mess out of my backseat eating pretzels, cheese, and cheetos:) I slept for about an hour, enjoyed some much needed Libbet cuddles and got ready to go to work that night. The rest of this I have never talked about with anyone, even Robyn and Matt.

Our Heavenly Father knew that I needed to be at work that night. But he also knew some other things about me because he knows me so well. He knew that if I was on my unit, even though it was just down the hall, the lack of constant information about Liesl and Matt and Robyn would kill me. He knew that I would not be any use at all to my patients or coworkers. So as I was on my way to work, I received a text message from the charge nurse. It said "Hey Michelle you are floating tonight." (Floating means you are going to a unit other than your home unit to help out). In my gut I knew where I was going, but I asked "Where?" "PICU". I knew that I would be near Matt and Robyn and be a friendly face if they needed it and I would also know what was going on. Little did I know, I was assigned the patient in the room right next to sweet Liesl. Another tender mercy, as I was able to see the family and keep updated. But another problem, as I was sitting there all night staring at monitors that did not look good.

Heavenly Father knows me well. He knew that while I needed to be near Matt and Robyn for my own sanity and maybe my presence was a help to them as well, he knew that I would be a wreck. He knew that I would sit and stare at the monitors every time I wasn't with my patient and that I would sob all night. So he sent another tender mercy in the form of a dear friend who had transferred to the PICU months before. He made sure that he was working that night and that he was able to spend much of the night right next to me, keeping my emotions in check for the majority of the night and hugging me when I was no longer able to stop the tears. Looking at those monitors all night made for the longest night of my life. I can't even imagine what was happening on the other side of that glass door with those sweet parents. I just kept watching the heart beat and praying that that steady line of beats would continue, hoping that each beat would not be her last. I was praying for the sweet family just feet away that were dealing with something a parent should never have to deal with. I was praying for three wonderful, strong boys who loved and protected their baby sister. And I was praying for the strength to comfort this sweet family as all the monitors showed it would take a true miracle for our sweet girl to pull through. I prayed for that miracle harder that night than I have ever prayed. And we got a miracle, not that miracle that we wanted most of all, but small, multiple tender mercies that have made surviving her loss bearable. I know that many family members experienced tender mercies in the two days that Liesl was at Primary Children's, and I decided it was time to share mine. 

Sweet Liesl, we love you and miss you. You have had an amazing impact in your short life and we are so grateful to have known you and your darling spirit. I am so thankful for all the tender mercies that were received that day and the many days following.