I'm a nurse.

I’m a nurse. In case you don’t really know many nurses here’s a little insight into us: we’re fixers. We have this need to fix things and people that is deeply ingrained into our being. That’s why we became nurses. And some days it hits you in so many ways that you can’t fix everything. You can’t fix the pain and grief and terror that comes with a bad diagnosis. You wish you could. You will give everything you have to try and make it even a tiny bit easier. But you can’t fix it. You can’t magically fix a child’s pain on the worst day of their young life. Better believe you will use every medication and position and treatment you know. You will gladly fetch ice pack after ice pack in the hopes that this one will help. But you can’t magically fix a child’s pain no matter how much you wish you could. And when all these things are happening and you’re battling with your need to fix things and the inability to do so you realize you’re only halfway through the shift. And you’re not quite sure how you’re gonna finish it. And then the patient that you’ve had before but not today gives you a bracelet that she made herself out of pipe cleaners and beads. And that gives you the strength to get through a few more hours. And then your patient’s family member gives you a handmade thank you card. And you keep going. And just at the end of the day when you’re emotionally and physically exhausted and feeling guilty that you mentally checked out a while ago, your last patient tells you they wish you were going to be their nurse again tomorrow. And they give you a headband because you talked about always wearing your hair up to work. And a coworker from another unit stops by to give you a hug. 

And you realize that’s why we do what we do. We do it for these tiny humans that we can’t always fix as well as we’d like, but they see how much you were able to do. We do it for coworkers who get it and jump in when you just have to step away and cry for a minute. We do it knowing that we’re going to leave exhausted at the end of most shifts. We do it knowing we’re going to face heartbreak and set backs and disappointment. But we also see joy. Hope. Giggles. A long term patient walking out of the hospital to go home. And you know that the good will always outweigh the bad. The small moments will always come to remind you why you chose to be a nurse. So yes, I’m a nurse. I’m a fixer. And I’m so glad that I am.