Unpacking...

I've been trying so hard to convince myself to finish unpacking. I only have like two bins left, but I can't make myself unpack them. Because once I finish unpacking, then I officially live in Vernal. And I'm not sure I'm okay with that. Actually I know I'm not. I'm terrified. I do not want to live in Vernal. Vernal is in the middle of nowhere. I know approximately five people in this town, and that's because I work with them. I'm not good at making friends, I never have been. I made my three best friends when I was little. I can count on my fingers the really good friends I have from college. Moving to the absolute middle of nowhere and starting over is not what I had planned for my life. I was going to graduate and get a great job at a big hospital in the city and stay in my comfort zone. Far inside my comfort zone. Instead, I'm here. Sitting on my bed in my apartment. In Vernal. Completely out of my comfort zone. About as far out as I could get. I'm a city girl. They may call this a city but it most definitely is not. I'm scared of horses, I hate cows, I have no idea how an oil rig works and no desire to find out. I do not drive a big truck, I think people who do are paying way to much money to do their part to  ruin the environment. I have never killed an animal. I've never even been hunting. Apparently I'm the only person at work that hasn't. If the walmart doesn't have what you're looking for, chances are you're out of luck and no one else will either. I won't even go into the people I've seen at walmart. Moving here was probably the hardest thing I've ever done. And I have no idea why I'm here. I followed the promptings I got and I'm here. I came.

Trust is something I've always struggled with. I like to be in charge. I like to be the one running things, especially my life.I was driving home from work a few nights ago in a thick fog. (on a side note, apparently they get a lot of fog out here cause it currently looks like the setting for a horror movie outside my apartment.) It was a Sunday so I was listening to church music. I could see about thirty feet of road in front of me. I hate fog. Give me snow, rain, hail, sleet,sun, anything but fog. Fog creeps me out. So I'm driving home after a long 12 hour shift. (it's 30 minutes from work to my house). The song "Lead, Kindly Light" came on my ipod as I headed into a particularly thick section of fog.

 Lead, kindly Light, amid the en'circling gloom; lead thou me on! 

The night is dark and I am far from home; Lead thou me on!

Keep thou my feet, I do not ask to see 

The distant  scene- on step enough for me.

I was not ever thus, nor prayed that thou shouldst lead me on. 

I loved to choose and see my path but now, Lead thou me on!

I loved the garish day, and, spite of fears

Pride ruled my will. Remember not past years.

So long thy power hath blessed me, sure it still will lead me on

O'er moor and fen, o'er crag and torrent, till the night is gone. 

And with the morn, those angel faces smile.

Which I have loved, long since and lost a while. 

This was particularly fitting that morning as I was driving. I couldn't see the path ahead. All I could see was enough to stay on the road. I have no idea what's ahead for me. All I could see was this step. I've made it. Now it's time to wait for the next one to become clear. 

I love quotes. I always have. Here are some I've read recently. 

I think I can go unpack those last few boxes now that I've let it all out. I don't let myself cry very often especially in front of people. I'm the type that keeps it to myself. Well, I've let it out. A little anyways. Time to get it together and unpack.