Little Reminders

Some days you just need a helpful reminder of where you should be. A reminder of what you know. A return to the basics that you've known your whole life. A reminder that your Heavenly Father loves you and knows every single thing about you and that he has a plan.

Women's conference was tonight. Every talk hit it right on the dot. Every song was a reminder of the basic things that we sometimes forget or overlook in the busyness that is our lives. I've been struggling with insecurities and fears recently.  Sometimes I get so caught up in giving of myself to those I work with, my family and friends that I forget to take care of myself and recharge. It's good to be reminded of these little things that lead to eternity.

This song is one of my favorites. It is simple. It reminds us that our Heavenly Father loves us and knows us.

Miracles

There have been some things on my mind recently.

I turned 25 last Sunday. I am a quarter of a century old. I don't know what to think about that.  If you had asked me when I was in high school where I would be when I was 25, my answer would have been completely different than where I am. I would have said I was married and maybe had a kid. I would not have said I was living at home with no romantic prospects. I would not have said I'd only had one real boyfriend since high school.

But I'm happy where I am. I am glad I've had the experience's I have. I have grown up and learned a lot. I have changed, grown and become a grown up. Sometimes I wonder how that happened. But I am. I have a grown up job (although it doesn't feel like it most days as we have water fights and races down the hall). I have a car payment. I have my own health insurance. I am officially a grown up. But I will never fully grow up. I celebrated 25 years with a Scooby Doo party thrown by my best friend. It's just what I do:)

Another thing that has been on my mind is an experience I had at work this last week. We were asked a question, and I never had a chance to answer it so I'm answering it now. They asked us to finish the sentence: A miracle is....

A miracle is something I get the chance to see every day. I get to participate in them. I get to witness them, and I get to learn from them. The kids I work with are amazing. They see and recognize miracles in their lives and they are not afraid to tell anyone about them. I see kids who were not expected to survive, let alone walk and talk, walking down the hall with their family, talking up a storm. I get to see a kid wash their face. Or slide themselves into a wheelchair. Or sit themselves up. These are things that I take for granted every day. But to them, these are miracles. These took hard work, and immeasurable support from family, therapists, nurses, techs and so many other people. These are the miracles I get to see every day. Every Single Day. That's why I love my job.

After thinking about this, I was asked by a parent how in the world I do my job. I get that question all the time. "How do you do this? I couldn't do it. It would be too depressing." This is my answer: I do it for the miracles. There is a miracle every day. Some days you have to really search for it. It may be that the miracle is surviving a thirteen hour shift with no break or food. It may be that the miracle is having a few days off to recover from difficult shifts. But there is something happy and good in every single shift. There is a coworker or a patient that make every single moment worth it.

Yes, some days are hard.  some days you want to go home and cry from the things you have seen. But the good outweighs the bad in so many ways. A thank you from a hurting child. A smile from a parent that is running on no sleep. A hug from a coworker just because you look stressed. Water fights with empty syringes, wheelchair races down the hallway. Easter Egg hunts. Easter baskets brought by the staff for every child in the hospital. The excitement that a child gets to go home. The support and love of the family and friends that surround these kids. That is why and how I do my job. Because it's worth it. Because I love being able to witness such amazing events. Because I learn so much from the patients and families I get the opportunity to serve. 

Thoughts

I've had a few thoughts recently that I've been needing to share. It may seem a conglomeration of random things, but it all fits together in my mind.

First: my new job.

I love it. There is no other way to put it. I go to work every day and I get to work with kids that got a bum rap. It may be from an accident and they will recover. It may be from an accident and all we are trying to do is get them to be able to function in their new reality. It may be from an unknown cause, some seizure or neurological disorder that will affect their entire lives. But no matter what has happened, they are still kids. They are still innocent and pure and loving. They still teach me something every single day. They have a strength that I can only hope to develop. They are the ones making their parents laugh and smile. I am so glad I get the chance to meet and help these kids.

Second. Sacrament.

I've spent the majority of the last few Sundays at work. Honestly it feels just about like any other day at work. It's busy, it's crazy, kids are still hurt and sick. But then in the middle of the day, the volunteer elders come by with the sacrament. The first week we were super crazy, and two staff members and myself gathered in an empty room with the elders. They blessed the sacrament. I will honestly say that the spirit felt in that empty hospital room in the only quiet moments of that day was the most amazing spirit I have felt. Sometimes I feel guilty for working sundays. But then I have an experience like this, and I know that I am where I am supposed to be at that exact moment. No, I'm not worshipping in the traditional way, but I am sharing the gifts and talents that have been given to me by a loving Heavenly Father that knew that I needed to help someone that day.

The next week was similar. It was slower, so ab0ut 8 of us gathered in the conference room to receive the sacrament. It is amazing to know that these people I work with are so giving and loving and willing to take their Sabbath and share it with people who need their strength and skills.

We have all been given special gifts, and this is where mine fit. I get to care and give and learn so much from the people I work with.

Third. Baptism.

This cute girl got baptized today. I cannot believe she is old enough to be taking this big step. As I sat and listened to the simple talks that were given I was overwhelmed. This is what it is about. Choosing to follow our Savior every single day, in every action and in every word that we speak. A bunch of the children got up and sang the song "If the Savior Stood Beside Me". I love this song and the simple message it shares with us.

1. If the Savior stood beside me,

would I do the things I do?

Would I think of His commandments,

and try harder to be true?

Would I follow His example?

Would I live more righteously

if I could see the Savior standing nigh,

watching over me?

2. If the Savior stood beside me,

would I say the things I say?

Would my words be true and kind

if He was never far away?

Would I try to share the gospel?

Would I speak more rev’rently

if I could see the Savior standing nigh,

watching over me?

3. He is always near me,

though I do not see Him there,

And because He loves me dearly,

I am in His watchful care.

So I’ll be the kind of person

that I know I’d like to be

if I could see the Savior standing nigh,

watching over me.

So many times we forget that he is always near us. We are loved. More than we can imagine, and he is watching us every step of every day, helping us, guiding us, and putting people in our lives that will be his hands here on this earth.

I am so grateful for this gentle reminder of these truths. I am so glad I get to be a part of this sweet girls life and watch her grow into a beautiful young woman.

Fourth: General WOmen's Meeting.

Amazing. There is no other way to describe it. The choir was full of women from the age of 8 to 80. They sounded so great. The messages were powerful and pointed out the basic, undeniable fact that we are all Daughters of God. He loves us and knows us. If you didn't get the chance to watch it, you need to. DOn't read it, watch it. The musical numbers and video presentations were strong and powerful.

Fifth: tying it all together.

These four things have been a powerful and frequent reminder that my Heavenly Father is guiding and directing my life. He is always there leading me on in a way that will test me, stretch me and teach me. I am so grateful that I can see this. 

Happy Girl

"I'm a happy girl, Everybody knows that the sweetest thing that you'll ever see in the whole wide world is a happy girl. Laugh when I feel like it, cry when I feel like it, that's just how my life is, that's how it goes! Oh watch me go, I'm a happy girl, and I've come to know that the world won't change just cause I complain, let the axis twirl, I'm a happy girl!!"-Martina McBride

I really truly am happy. My new job is amazing. I come home every day with a smile on my face because I have the best job! I get to help kids! Every single day. I get to hang out with these amazing kids that got a bum rap in life and are absolutely my hero's. And their parents. Oh man. They are scared, they are tired, they are amazing. They have a strength I can only hope to develop.

There are hard moment's. There always will be. People ask me how I can possibly work with sick kids. My answer is simple: the rewards of making a child feel better make everything else worth it.

New Year

New years

So it's a new year. And I'm a bit behind in posting. I've been busy. I worked six out of seven nights, packed on my one night off, and then moved home to Provo. This year will bring a lot of lasts, and a lot of firsts. I had my last night at Uintah Basin. I learned a lot in my year out there. I learned a lot of what not to do, and a lot of what to do. I learned a lot about who I am, because I had to step out of my comfort zone (Wayout!) I met people I would never have met any other way. I made some amazing friends. I went on an awesome trip with my ward and saw some amazing things. I will miss the people I met out there. I won't miss the drama of small town hospital life. At all.

THings I won't miss:

Walmart being the only option for basically everything.

Late night Mcdonald's runs because it was the only thing open.

The Hospital. Being in a small town hospital has its drawbacks.

Creepy dinosaur in downtown Vernal. I forgot to get a picture of it in its creepy Christmas outfit. Beard and all.

THings I will miss:

Angala

Katie

Bryan

Kelsee

Angela

Everyone else I work with.

THe amazing sunsets on my way to work.

 Bryan egging Angala on... 

 I'm a mermaid!

This year will also bring a lot of firsts.

First day at Primary Children's is on monday.

First year living in the city as a nurse.

And a lot of other Firsts that I can only imagine.

Sometimes

Sometimes you go to work. And it's just another regular day. And you meet a patient that is nice and sweet and friendly. The one who always says thank you and calls you sweetheart. And you enjoy taking care of them and go home with a smile on your face. Then you come back to work and something has changed and you realize, once again, how fragile life is. And you watch the struggle of the doctors and the family and the nurses as we try to decide when to stop fighting for life. And you realize how close you can become to a person after taking care of them for only twelve hours. You realize that your life is better for having met them and their family. You watch the strength of the spouse when after twenty four hours of valiantly fighting, the fight is over. And you cry on your way home from work. Because you remember why we do what we do.

The impact a nurse has on their patients is talked about a lot. I think we often overlook the impact patients have on the people that have the opportunity to take care of them. I am grateful for the chance I have to interact with people during some of the hardest moments of their lives. You can't go through that without learning something.

Gratitude

I was sitting in church on Sunday and the musical number was this song.

I had never heard it before. I love it. My favorite part is the chorus:

        

  But maybe not, not today

Maybe you'll provide in other ways. 

And if that's the case...

We'll give thanks to you

with Gratitude

For lessons learned in how to trust in you

That we are blessed beyond what we could ever dream

In abundance or need

It's taken me a long time to learn this lesson. And it was a hard lesson to learn. So often we pray for something specific. And it doesn't happen the way we want it to. I remember my junior year of high school praying so hard every day that my dad would get better and that everything would be back to normal at our house. And I wasn't the only one. People all around the world were praying for the exact same thing. Well, it's almost 8 years later. And things are still not back to "normal". He still has health battles that he fights every single day. Our version of normal includes dr visits and TPN and iron and medication infusions, etc. That's where the "Maybe not, not today. Maybe you'll provide in other ways" comes in. We have been provided for. We have the best family and friends we could imagine. We have grown closer as a family. We may not have asked for this trial, but we could have been given much worse. 

So here goes the gratitude part. I'm grateful that we are a forever family. That knowledge has gotten us through absolutely everything that has been thrown our way. I'm grateful for the many lessons learned throughout this test. And there are many. Patience. Trust in a larger plan that we cannot see even when we wish we could. Hope that maybe tomorrow things will be better than today. Baby steps are bigger than they seem. Gratitude for amazing neighbors and friends that always made sure we were taken care of. Faith that things will work out in the way that they are supposed to and that we can handle whatever that plan is. Knowledge that our Heavenly Father is very much aware of what we are going through and sends us people to be his angels on earth. 

We are blessed. So "Maybe not. Not today... and if that's the case, we'll give thanks to you with Gratitude."